I used to have this huge appetite for love. Or for wanting people. Or for being with people romantically. Or being linked to someone significantly.
I used to spend hours thinking about my significant others (yes, there have been significant others), wanting them, wishing for them, wishing to be with them, missing them. I used to concoct thousands of daydreams around them and me, together in the air.
I used to almost always choose my significant others over family and friends. Or if this is not possible, these significant others were always in any family gathering or friend meetup.
Never been really single as single can be until 2011 came. I stopped conjuring all the daydreams and suppressed my appetite for being with someone else. It was high time to be with myself and to know myself a little better, what makes me tick, look in the mirror, likes and dislikes, all that stuff. And what I found was that this self evolved from a mixture of wants from other people. Anyway, I'm still in the process of constantly taking a step back and assessing a situation before diving in. I've eliminated the things that were not originally what I want, and retained those that I know I've loved. I'm discovering that I can do a lot of things and be the person that I wanted to be - a thinking AND feeling one.
Sometimes I worry, because the thought of not being able to really, truly love someone scares me. Maybe I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet, or maybe the person has not arrived yet. I want to be cautiously vulnerable to the next significant other.
0 comments:
Post a Comment