Lessons learned, so far

Barely a week into the new year and lessons keep pouring in. Well, some are realizations, some fed by observers and outsiders, some learned from experiences of others.

Love is a decision. - Miray
You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose who you will have a relationship with. - Cathy
Don't lose yourself in a relationship. - me
There is no selfless love. Even charity is selfish in itself. - Eric
You ease yourself into yourself, as well as your partner, every single day. - me

That love is a decision is an intelligent and smart way of committing, I think. After all, we are in that stage in life where we know ourselves a little better and are willing to compromise only parts of ourselves when in any kind of relationship. To realize that initial attraction/lust only carries you as far as maybe six months to a year, that falling in love with the same person is a decision you have to be ready to make, because saying "yes" is really a lifetime (or a period of it) and time is essential to each of us.

That you can't choose who you fall in love with is actually true based on experience. No matter how hard you try, sometimes it's really hard to deny the fact that you realize in the middle of the day that you are there, that yes, I love him/her. It's not exactly like in the movies wherein you wake up feeling happy and giddy (although we've all been there) and a light goes on and that realization dawns on you (although that may happen, too). But that you really can't choose who you feel that for. But, it's also true that you can choose who to have a relationship with and it won't exactly be the person that you love, although please do not discount the huge probability that you also love the person you have a relationship with. It's just that sometimes it does not go hand in hand.

That losing yourself in a relationship have all befallen us at one point (or maybe it's just me). When I imbibed the tomboyish look, even if I was really a girly-girl-who-happens-to-love-girls, was probably one of the telltale signs that yes, I'm no longer my own person. I learned that i can love a person without having to change who I am. Of course, I was probably oblivious to the fact that out of the 100% me there was only about 25% left. And realizing that was sad in itself. I know better now.

That there is no selfless love is where we kind of hit a snag in the discussion because there are beliefs that even charity is selfish because you do good deeds and it makes you feel good. But maybe that's for those who deliberately do good things to achieve that good feeling, to feel good about themselves. How about for those who are unaware? For those who believe that doing good is actually the only way of life?

That it has to be fact that we change every single day, so we have to constantly ease ourselves into our selves. Sometimes, we tend to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and the whole day is just ruined for us. And we go out and find ourselves pick-me-uppers in the form of things, people, places, activities, thoughts, and whatnots that will get you out of the rut. But really, all that says to me that we control our own selves so whether you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or not, it's all up to you to get going into a direction that you will define. We fight our own demons, celebrate our own triumphs, and at the end of the day, what happens and how we went about our day ultimately defines us. Then we're ready to face the next day again. And if all that work of easing into yourself every day is not difficult enough, try easing with another person. As we change everyday, our relationships also change so relating to one another takes work.

You must know that all these came from a night of drinking (where else?). It's good to be back to a place we've known to welcome us when we want good food and el cheapo drinks (Pasto, we missed you). It was a birthday celebration (happy birthday, Maiko!) and it felt good to be in a group with whom you can let your guard down and be as honest as you can.