Telling someone something

The thing with being identified and defined by a relationship is people tend to associate you incessantly with that relationship and that other person. You can't blame outsiders for not being able to see you and define you outside of a relation because most of the time, we identify ourselves that way, too. It's as if there's nothing new to you except the fact that you are limb and limb with the other person, it's as if you breathe the same air all the time. People ask you where he/she is if you arrive at a function separately.

When that particular relationship ends, people around you tiptoe trying their best to not offend your feelings. But there are others who think that it is their job in this world to really rub salt to a wounded ego. Sometimes, it's not only rubbing but plain pouring salt and pepper and garlic and sauteing everything together until your wound destroys muscle and almost exposes bone. It's as if seeing you suffer from the question how is he/she? is never enough.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not running down memory lane but mere waxing in it.

As an insider in a relationship that disintegrated for a number of reasons (or maybe it was just one), what I found really difficult was sharing with somebody else your thoughts and feelings at each day's end. Writing is one, but having someone listening without the intent to judge but to just be there is way too precious. It's as if each word/thought/emotion that is formed is shared and placed with equal weight together with that someone. Your problems oftentimes become theirs, too. If you're lucky, your problems will merely explode into bits and pieces because as you unload, you realize what was troubling you was nothing but your fears materializing and you not having the courage to overcome it.

If there is an important lesson to be learned in life, it is that sharing doesn't have to be a burden for you or for those that you choose to share with. The act of sharing should be treated with utmost respect and thoughtfulness in the same manner you deem your thoughts and emotions fragile and complicated when you share with someone. When you share, you aim to be listened to and not be judged. You want someone to give you the time and the attention that you deserve. And that's the job of the listener, of the chosen person.

And while most people do find it easy to share, there are some who still get antsy and keep all thoughts and feelings bottled and sealed inside of them. Sometimes, it takes one or two people who they know they can trust for them to open up. When we see people like these, it's our job to offer our two ears and our hearts and the best of our focus and attention to them for we might be the privileged few who they can trust. 

I highly recommend sitting down with a friend, with a parent, with someone who you can trust, and just share bits and pieces or the entirety of your day. It does wonders.