So I have a setback, which I'm currently adjusting to. Looking to find some help this weekend, instead of spending the day at the amusement park. Priorities, priorities.
I was dazed and too overwhelmed yesterday that I ended up turning in early, covered my sorrows in sheets and sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night in panic, and then calmed after giving myself a pep talk. All is well.
Talked to a couple of people about what to do and shared my sorrow with some, which in itself is comforting. Finally got a hold of my mom and shed light on my situation. I felt at ease after. Mothers are like that - they soothe you even when they worry. Told some friends and my family, and got some relief from that. At least I'm trying to be calm about all of this.
It's starting to dawn on me that my predicament is not an emergency at all.
3.31.2012
3.30.2012
Admiring from afar
My work mates back home are awesome!
Crunch time is always a nice time to see how people co-work together to achieve one goal. As long as everybody's on the same page and there's no ego, we achieve something beautiful. The sleepless nights, the waking up from deep slumber to check and edit stuff, the back and forth communication - everything seems to move like clockwork.
This week, the team was involved in a highly-publicized write up (the company and a newspaper is starting to get flak from accused perpetrators. Here's to hoping things get sorted out in a jiff.). From this point of view, the people working behind the scenes to get stuff done were admirable. It was a joy to be part of something so beautiful and coordinated. A few bumps on the road to release were inevitable, but we all got through without any major mishaps.
Today is Friday and everyone is out of the office and probably going through Friday night with much merriment after a grueling work week. After several personal errands, I shall go out and treat myself to a movie or two on the weekend.
*sigh*
Crunch time is always a nice time to see how people co-work together to achieve one goal. As long as everybody's on the same page and there's no ego, we achieve something beautiful. The sleepless nights, the waking up from deep slumber to check and edit stuff, the back and forth communication - everything seems to move like clockwork.
This week, the team was involved in a highly-publicized write up (the company and a newspaper is starting to get flak from accused perpetrators. Here's to hoping things get sorted out in a jiff.). From this point of view, the people working behind the scenes to get stuff done were admirable. It was a joy to be part of something so beautiful and coordinated. A few bumps on the road to release were inevitable, but we all got through without any major mishaps.
Today is Friday and everyone is out of the office and probably going through Friday night with much merriment after a grueling work week. After several personal errands, I shall go out and treat myself to a movie or two on the weekend.
*sigh*
3.29.2012
Setbacks are part of life
Just when things are starting to nicely settle down...
Oh mothafucker the pressure is on!
Oh mothafucker the pressure is on!
3.28.2012
Compressed air works
Fan error!
The laptop I'm using just gave me this scary message at 5am yesterday. It took a gentle whack on the side where the fan is for the reboot to continue. Before my ride to the office arrived, I successfully backed up all the necessary files I would need in case the laptop died on me at this point in my journey.
As I was backing up, I thought of the options I have in order to make things work if and when this laptop decides to die on me:
- Buy a new laptop.
- Borrow an office laptop.
- Borrow the office laptop and have this laptop shipped to the manufacturer for a repair.
- Take this laptop apart and have a go at replacing the fan.
Luckily, the laptop decided to function perfectly even with the increasing heat. I was looking at a video on how to replace the fan when it dawned on me to ask the IT guy what to do best. And the solution: dust blower! I went to the facilities office to borrow the dust blower. It's my first time using compressed air to clean a laptop so I tried it on first on the office desktop while it is powered on. Nothing major happened to the desktop so I proceeded with blowing compressed air to the fan and the keyboard and just about every inch of this laptop that was dusty.
The fan error did not happen in the last ten hours or so. Hopefully, compressed air is the final solution to this woe.
By the way, something happened. I'm not inclined to discuss it just yet because I'm embarrassed. I'll get the courage to share the story at a later time.
By the way, something happened. I'm not inclined to discuss it just yet because I'm embarrassed. I'll get the courage to share the story at a later time.
3.27.2012
Try everything once
I made two versions of a chicken fajita for breakfast at 5am this morning: one having pico de gallo, cooked chicken strips, jalapenos, and cheese I chucked from the kitchen counter; the other was the same cooked chicken and pico de gallo but with sweet and spicy barbecue sauce. Both creations made my morning a little bit interesting.
Actually taking the time to seek out a person and ask for help and engage in conversation is another first yesterday. I don't usually bother other people because they seem too busy to attend to my little needs. At the end of the trip, I got to know a guy friend a little better. And he's a good chap.
Walking to the mall last Saturday to get some grub was a first of sorts.
This weekend, I'm gearing up to get myself to ride some roller coasters at a nearby amusement park. I might die of a heart attack but at least I can tell myself I actually got over my fear and rode one or two or 12 roller coaster rides before I turned 30.
We all got to try to be a little more vulnerable, a little more open to possibilities. How can the good come in when we keep shutting out the world because of our fears and insecurities?
I got curious and tried the bold and intense blend for today's morning coffee. Now I'm all fired up with a heart skipping so fast it could out-race a Lamborghini. I also feel a splitting headache coming.
Actually taking the time to seek out a person and ask for help and engage in conversation is another first yesterday. I don't usually bother other people because they seem too busy to attend to my little needs. At the end of the trip, I got to know a guy friend a little better. And he's a good chap.
Walking to the mall last Saturday to get some grub was a first of sorts.
This weekend, I'm gearing up to get myself to ride some roller coasters at a nearby amusement park. I might die of a heart attack but at least I can tell myself I actually got over my fear and rode one or two or 12 roller coaster rides before I turned 30.
We all got to try to be a little more vulnerable, a little more open to possibilities. How can the good come in when we keep shutting out the world because of our fears and insecurities?
I got curious and tried the bold and intense blend for today's morning coffee. Now I'm all fired up with a heart skipping so fast it could out-race a Lamborghini. I also feel a splitting headache coming.
3.26.2012
Reinvention is key
Ever felt attached to something you just can't let go of?
The thing with change and the anxiety attached to it is that as humans, when we find something we can do even if we can't do it good but we know how to do it just like flicking a switch or balancing chemical equations, and the next person comes along who can do it, we're in panic mode. We can't let go of the task we're so accustomed to and we make up reasons for not letting go.
The panic/defense mode is most especially true when it comes to the things that we have mastered/are actually good at. When it's time to hand over the baton to the next person, we're likely skeptical that the next person won't always be able to do it as beautifully as we did. We get increasingly anxious while we train them, furious for the things they can't get "right" (by our standards anyway). We worry. Sometimes, we end up criticizing even the person, we get into unnecessary fights, we judge (and often, harshly).
If you catch yourself doing this, then good for you. At the very least you are aware, and that you need to take positive action. For most of us, we have to try harder to catch ourselves.
We only get lucky to find people who place the same kind of value we do in the things we do. It's always helpful to remember that we are all different. To some extent we may share the same values with some people but at some point, our values diverge and vary.
After acceptance of the fact that we need to let go of the stuff we know, we need to move on to other things. This makes us more relevant in the field we are in, makes us more open to other opportunities, more open to learning and embracing new things. The time and effort we used to allot to the things that we already know are now allotted to the things that we will know.
It's been a while since I did operations full time. Now, I'm increasingly getting nervous as I do this on my own. Working on my response time and getting to read a lot more information on some hardcore stuff. This is going to be fun.
The thing with change and the anxiety attached to it is that as humans, when we find something we can do even if we can't do it good but we know how to do it just like flicking a switch or balancing chemical equations, and the next person comes along who can do it, we're in panic mode. We can't let go of the task we're so accustomed to and we make up reasons for not letting go.
The panic/defense mode is most especially true when it comes to the things that we have mastered/are actually good at. When it's time to hand over the baton to the next person, we're likely skeptical that the next person won't always be able to do it as beautifully as we did. We get increasingly anxious while we train them, furious for the things they can't get "right" (by our standards anyway). We worry. Sometimes, we end up criticizing even the person, we get into unnecessary fights, we judge (and often, harshly).
If you catch yourself doing this, then good for you. At the very least you are aware, and that you need to take positive action. For most of us, we have to try harder to catch ourselves.
We only get lucky to find people who place the same kind of value we do in the things we do. It's always helpful to remember that we are all different. To some extent we may share the same values with some people but at some point, our values diverge and vary.
After acceptance of the fact that we need to let go of the stuff we know, we need to move on to other things. This makes us more relevant in the field we are in, makes us more open to other opportunities, more open to learning and embracing new things. The time and effort we used to allot to the things that we already know are now allotted to the things that we will know.
It's been a while since I did operations full time. Now, I'm increasingly getting nervous as I do this on my own. Working on my response time and getting to read a lot more information on some hardcore stuff. This is going to be fun.
3.25.2012
Twice the walk
When Google Maps says it will take me 19 minutes to cover .9 miles of road just to get late lunch, I say it will take me double that time because I walk like an old lady (no offense meant). I take small steps, much like of a five-year old. What can I say? I have small feet and small gait.
So I'm gonna take that walk because I'm freakin' hungry I could eat a horse!
So I'm gonna take that walk because I'm freakin' hungry I could eat a horse!
3.24.2012
Limiting is good
A couple of posts ago, I just said I liked the feeling of being limitless. But this is a different thing.
Somehow, the events in my life in the last few weeks made me think about why I was spending too much time on the Internet. It made me think about the quality of relationships I keep on and offline, and it came to a point that I no longer saw the reason in keeping too many appearances in social networking sites.
I vow to putting my time to good use, and my life to be lived by doing stuff instead of just dreaming things up.
This explains why I'm writing more here, taking more pictures and putting it in another blog, reading more stuff (last I read were articles on the Mac Mountain Lion OS' Gatekeeper feature, and desynchronosis or simply, jet lag), and exploring more music. Talking to people is now an activity I do in the real world. If I needed to get in touch with someone, I use the phone to call or send text message or an email. I still get urges of I will post this on Facebook or I shall tweet this but I'm fighting it successfully for now.
A friend pointed out that I should resurface on social networking sites but for a different purpose. I might take her up on this for there is a point in keeping some sort of online appearance, but not until I completely get the lure of posting nonsense stuff out of my system.
Somehow, the events in my life in the last few weeks made me think about why I was spending too much time on the Internet. It made me think about the quality of relationships I keep on and offline, and it came to a point that I no longer saw the reason in keeping too many appearances in social networking sites.
I vow to putting my time to good use, and my life to be lived by doing stuff instead of just dreaming things up.
This explains why I'm writing more here, taking more pictures and putting it in another blog, reading more stuff (last I read were articles on the Mac Mountain Lion OS' Gatekeeper feature, and desynchronosis or simply, jet lag), and exploring more music. Talking to people is now an activity I do in the real world. If I needed to get in touch with someone, I use the phone to call or send text message or an email. I still get urges of I will post this on Facebook or I shall tweet this but I'm fighting it successfully for now.
A friend pointed out that I should resurface on social networking sites but for a different purpose. I might take her up on this for there is a point in keeping some sort of online appearance, but not until I completely get the lure of posting nonsense stuff out of my system.
3.22.2012
The end of an era
Sure feels like it.
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In more ways I feel free and really anxious about this freedom. My life has come to a point where I'm no longer after childish goals. The big picture always scares me but I've been increasingly treading life with awareness and acceptance that only age and experience can equip me.
Making peace with the impermanence of things has been a wish since my late teens. I wanted to understand why bad stuff happen, why people leave only to pick up somewhere else, why nothing ever stays the same. Cycling through grief and anxiety and loneliness has been a constant until a year ago, when I learned to stop overhinking and overfeeling things (inventing words is fun). Acceptance is key to everything, it seems to me. However difficult things may seem, at some point, everything goes okay. Stuff is sure to happen until we are living.
So anyway, the thing with stuff happening and fearing stuff doesn't happen when we want it to and stuff that we don't want happening suddenly happens is that we have to accept all three. And acceptance doesn't always come easy because at one point we let go of old beliefs and values, let go of people, let memories stay memories, let go of endings, let go of those that doesn't help us. Letting go makes space for new stuff in your life. Letting go makes room for more chances to work on our happiness.
On a strange night, in a strange time, I started letting go of everything that put me behind. It brought me to a place where I recognized freedom and a sense of belonging to the world. It made me scared but still fairly ready. It made me make the choices I had made next and made me stick with them for as long as I believe in them. It made me realize some other things that I will share in the next few posts, wherever these things take me.
I bid my goodbyes and said my thank yous in the most heartfelt way I can. Pretty sure it will be enough. Looking forward to paradise.
This is jet lag kicking in. Crossing a number of time zones takes a toll on one's body.
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In more ways I feel free and really anxious about this freedom. My life has come to a point where I'm no longer after childish goals. The big picture always scares me but I've been increasingly treading life with awareness and acceptance that only age and experience can equip me.
Making peace with the impermanence of things has been a wish since my late teens. I wanted to understand why bad stuff happen, why people leave only to pick up somewhere else, why nothing ever stays the same. Cycling through grief and anxiety and loneliness has been a constant until a year ago, when I learned to stop overhinking and overfeeling things (inventing words is fun). Acceptance is key to everything, it seems to me. However difficult things may seem, at some point, everything goes okay. Stuff is sure to happen until we are living.
So anyway, the thing with stuff happening and fearing stuff doesn't happen when we want it to and stuff that we don't want happening suddenly happens is that we have to accept all three. And acceptance doesn't always come easy because at one point we let go of old beliefs and values, let go of people, let memories stay memories, let go of endings, let go of those that doesn't help us. Letting go makes space for new stuff in your life. Letting go makes room for more chances to work on our happiness.
On a strange night, in a strange time, I started letting go of everything that put me behind. It brought me to a place where I recognized freedom and a sense of belonging to the world. It made me scared but still fairly ready. It made me make the choices I had made next and made me stick with them for as long as I believe in them. It made me realize some other things that I will share in the next few posts, wherever these things take me.
I bid my goodbyes and said my thank yous in the most heartfelt way I can. Pretty sure it will be enough. Looking forward to paradise.
This is jet lag kicking in. Crossing a number of time zones takes a toll on one's body.
3.21.2012
Who's sleepy?
Me!
Been travelling for the last 24 hours and it's been a pain in the (insert random body part here).
It's 3 degrees Celsius when I stepped out and onto Korean soil (or at least the airport grounds). Slept away four hours of the six-hour waiting time to board the next flight. Although the seats at the gates in Incheon were not that hard, sleeping in airports have never been comfortable.
I'm so sleepy!
Been travelling for the last 24 hours and it's been a pain in the (insert random body part here).
It's 3 degrees Celsius when I stepped out and onto Korean soil (or at least the airport grounds). Slept away four hours of the six-hour waiting time to board the next flight. Although the seats at the gates in Incheon were not that hard, sleeping in airports have never been comfortable.
Can't think straight while composing this post. Haven't had any decent sleep and I feel so icky for not having had a decent bath in the last 24 hours. I've been wearing my jeans and shirt and jacket for more than 24 hours. I've been walking the walk-alators and trying very hard to not waste my money on overpriced airport food.
I'm so sleepy!
3.20.2012
This is how I will remember you
Whenever it will matter, remember that time when we took off to leave the world we move in for even a little while. Remember that in the comfort of the breezes, the heat of the sun, the swiftness of thoughts, the vast sky, under the shades of trees, among the blue waters and waves, on prints on the sand - we made a promise to always struggle for happiness for ourselves.
Whenever it will matter, remember our dislike for stifling creativity, the shared appreciation for most things we deem beautiful, for riding on thoughts each one had, for the emotions suspended, for the weightlessness and the heavy lifting, for the flitting moments of recognition of beauty, for allowing madness two, three, five times a week.
This chasm closes on a note - whether it be a high one or a flat, a minor or a major - the note will always be a remembrance of what we were once. Moving on to new worlds from this point.
May we find happiness everyday and may we share it across the skies or while riding winds.
Whenever it will matter, remember our dislike for stifling creativity, the shared appreciation for most things we deem beautiful, for riding on thoughts each one had, for the emotions suspended, for the weightlessness and the heavy lifting, for the flitting moments of recognition of beauty, for allowing madness two, three, five times a week.
This chasm closes on a note - whether it be a high one or a flat, a minor or a major - the note will always be a remembrance of what we were once. Moving on to new worlds from this point.
May we find happiness everyday and may we share it across the skies or while riding winds.
3.18.2012
Choosing to let go
To be clear, I'm not talking about love but I'm talking about letting go of the hate and the torture that things gave me. I made a prison out of my own mind, which did not do me any good until the last few days. Good thing my friends and I planned an escape that allowed us all to not think. We spent a good day talking, not talking, lying on the shore, eating, sleeping, waking up, eating a little too much, exploring the island, and watching the glorious sun set (although I didn't stay on too long to watch the different colors of the skies when the sun finally set).
I was so incensed by the things that I knew and felt that the only thing I could think of was to let go of all the frustration I felt was welling up inside of me. I knew it wasn't going to do me any good.
So this weekend was dedicated to letting go of all the drama and the hate. It's high time to chase other dreams.
I was so incensed by the things that I knew and felt that the only thing I could think of was to let go of all the frustration I felt was welling up inside of me. I knew it wasn't going to do me any good.
Limitless
While our time is still finite (we all get 24 hours in a day), most of my hours are now devoted to crossing out items in the daily to-do list, unflagging red flags as I finish every little task I flagged, penciling an imaginary to-buy list for several trips ahead, and making other lists for my sister to take care of.
Funny how today is different from several years ago. I'll be in the same situation, leaving behind stuff as I embark on a journey of sorts. Self-containment is no longer an issue as there are pressing matters to be attended to, one being the packing, which has got to start at some point. A priority is tying loose ends to make sure that everything runs smoothly (although nothing runs smoothly in this world).
What triggered this post is a question posed to me today: am I ready?
To which I answer: I'm not ready, but I'm open. You can't always be ready for anything. I am prepared as much as I can be but whatever happens, I'm open to the possibilities.
If you posed this question to me several years ago, you will meet buckets of tears and loads of sentimentality. I owe it to my recklessness in love. But those were times when I didn't know any better about myself, and didn't really bother to question my ways all the time.
What's for sure is that now the possibilities seem endless. Anything can happen, but everything will depend on how I will be able to gracefully handle what happens. This alone gives me hope in the journey that I'm about to take and the changes that will take place.
Funny how today is different from several years ago. I'll be in the same situation, leaving behind stuff as I embark on a journey of sorts. Self-containment is no longer an issue as there are pressing matters to be attended to, one being the packing, which has got to start at some point. A priority is tying loose ends to make sure that everything runs smoothly (although nothing runs smoothly in this world).
What triggered this post is a question posed to me today: am I ready?
To which I answer: I'm not ready, but I'm open. You can't always be ready for anything. I am prepared as much as I can be but whatever happens, I'm open to the possibilities.
If you posed this question to me several years ago, you will meet buckets of tears and loads of sentimentality. I owe it to my recklessness in love. But those were times when I didn't know any better about myself, and didn't really bother to question my ways all the time.
What's for sure is that now the possibilities seem endless. Anything can happen, but everything will depend on how I will be able to gracefully handle what happens. This alone gives me hope in the journey that I'm about to take and the changes that will take place.
3.17.2012
The open sea
The importance of knowing that the waves will always reach the shore is that we all will race at some point to get to our dreams.
The importance of knowing that water on the shore always pulls back to the sea is that once we reach our dreams, we will go back to the fold to chase other dreams.
The importance of standing in front of the open sea every chance you get is for us to remember that the world is huge and wide enough for our dreams and for everyone to go out and fulfill each one.
Today, while there are many thoughts that plagued my mind, it is the importance of being able to recognize that the sand beneath my feet and the waves crashing in front of me will always be a constant reminder to chase dreams and to make dreams after having successfully chased old ones.
The importance of knowing that water on the shore always pulls back to the sea is that once we reach our dreams, we will go back to the fold to chase other dreams.
The importance of standing in front of the open sea every chance you get is for us to remember that the world is huge and wide enough for our dreams and for everyone to go out and fulfill each one.
Today, while there are many thoughts that plagued my mind, it is the importance of being able to recognize that the sand beneath my feet and the waves crashing in front of me will always be a constant reminder to chase dreams and to make dreams after having successfully chased old ones.
3.15.2012
Detections
It's been a while since I realized that I've been ready all this time.
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This feeling, however uncomfortable it is, is coming. Strangely enough, I'm open to it and welcome it. Feeling vulnerable and open and welcoming all at the same time doesn't happen that often, especially when changes are taking place. What's happening is huge, and all the things that are happening have their effects in small and big ways.
Instead of going around feeling wounded and scared out of my mind, I'm choosing to fight and forge on. I've known myself to not shy away from feelings but to take flight when fear of not knowing the next thing in anything becomes imminent. What I'm learning is I can be on fight mode for any circumstance - battling emotions and removing fear by doing something. And today is a prime example of just that.
Talking to my mother earlier today made me realize that I haven't seen her in the last three months. The thought made me sad and made me wish I was with her. But then again we have lives to live and journeys to take. Getting things done and packing up some stuff made me realize how the wardrobe shrunk significantly when I started losing weight. Half of my closet space is being occupied by clothes 1-2 sizes bigger than my current frame. So this half will go to my sisters who might take interest in what crap I have to offer. Sitting down with friends made me realize that this might be the last time we will all be sitting down together and talking about all the stuff that made us friends in the first place. Upward bound as an experience taught us a lot about ourselves and our relationships that bonded us the way we are. While there might be a hint of sadness, it was surely worth everything.
And to realize that being there for the most important people has always given me the strength to move forward in life. So to you, and you, and you - thank you. You've made this day complete and memorable. Here's to you having the happiness you've unselfishly shared with me.
This afternoon's conversation was what made my day today. 'Til we meet again.
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This feeling, however uncomfortable it is, is coming. Strangely enough, I'm open to it and welcome it. Feeling vulnerable and open and welcoming all at the same time doesn't happen that often, especially when changes are taking place. What's happening is huge, and all the things that are happening have their effects in small and big ways.
Instead of going around feeling wounded and scared out of my mind, I'm choosing to fight and forge on. I've known myself to not shy away from feelings but to take flight when fear of not knowing the next thing in anything becomes imminent. What I'm learning is I can be on fight mode for any circumstance - battling emotions and removing fear by doing something. And today is a prime example of just that.
Talking to my mother earlier today made me realize that I haven't seen her in the last three months. The thought made me sad and made me wish I was with her. But then again we have lives to live and journeys to take. Getting things done and packing up some stuff made me realize how the wardrobe shrunk significantly when I started losing weight. Half of my closet space is being occupied by clothes 1-2 sizes bigger than my current frame. So this half will go to my sisters who might take interest in what crap I have to offer. Sitting down with friends made me realize that this might be the last time we will all be sitting down together and talking about all the stuff that made us friends in the first place. Upward bound as an experience taught us a lot about ourselves and our relationships that bonded us the way we are. While there might be a hint of sadness, it was surely worth everything.
And to realize that being there for the most important people has always given me the strength to move forward in life. So to you, and you, and you - thank you. You've made this day complete and memorable. Here's to you having the happiness you've unselfishly shared with me.
This afternoon's conversation was what made my day today. 'Til we meet again.
3.11.2012
According to Walt Whitman
This is what you shall do:
love the earth and the sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning god, have patience and indulgence toward people, take off your hat to nothing know or unknown to any man or any number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in the words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.
love the earth and the sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning god, have patience and indulgence toward people, take off your hat to nothing know or unknown to any man or any number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in the words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.
3.08.2012
To the beauty I fail to see
To the lights lining the streets, corners, buildings, the rooms - thank you for providing dramatic silhouettes.
To the vast sky, cloudless or looming and blooming with various cloud formations - thank you for being the reason to always look up.
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To the sun and the moon - thank you for emitting the glow only you two can do.
To the trees, small and tall - thank you for the shade, and for parting and partitioning the sun's rays as it hits earth.
To colors - thank you for adding balance to everything we see.
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Ghetto thanks
To my cheap ass sunglasses I bought on sale - thank you for making my world sepia and dramatic all the more every single day.
To the illegal shuttle service near where I live - thank you for being available even after 8am.
To the lone MMDA guy by the Shell station - thank you for always directing traffic to stop on both sides of Ortigas Avenue so pedestrians like me can cross this killer street.
To the floor-to-ceiling windows in our office building - thank you for allowing us to look out into the world every once in a while.
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To the vast sky, cloudless or looming and blooming with various cloud formations - thank you for being the reason to always look up.
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To the sun and the moon - thank you for emitting the glow only you two can do.
To the trees, small and tall - thank you for the shade, and for parting and partitioning the sun's rays as it hits earth.
To colors - thank you for adding balance to everything we see.
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Ghetto thanks
To my cheap ass sunglasses I bought on sale - thank you for making my world sepia and dramatic all the more every single day.
To the illegal shuttle service near where I live - thank you for being available even after 8am.
To the lone MMDA guy by the Shell station - thank you for always directing traffic to stop on both sides of Ortigas Avenue so pedestrians like me can cross this killer street.
To the floor-to-ceiling windows in our office building - thank you for allowing us to look out into the world every once in a while.
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3.07.2012
The Bejeweled strategy
My dalliance with Temple Run was unexpectedly fleeting.
I've been playing Bejeweled for quite some time now, favorite would be the speed version. The Chrome app works nicely for me. Carpal tunnel might just be around the corner.
The thing with this particular game is that the sets of jewels that you have to line up will always have an effect on other sets. One turn can give you 10-15 jewels lining up and being taken out. Another turn can give you just the three regular sets you aimed for. Still others can give you extra seconds and bonus items that you can always use at a later time, just when you've run out of possible moves or can't see that one set that seems mysteriously hidden in all the color and glitter.
You are given one minute to amass points in the speed version. And of course you don't squander away those 60 seconds with just sets of all the threes that you can find. You start with finding the set that can eliminate four or five jewels, which will earn you two different kinds of bombs as bonuses, at a time. Then you look for sets that come in T or L shapes. These sets add more points and provide you a crystal-like bonus that when activated, eliminates an entire cross section of jewels. Now that gets you more and more points. You use these bonuses when you can't see the regular three jewels. While the hint button gleams at you, never ever use it. Clicking on it takes your eye away from that board. And if the game has 60 seconds, you don't want to spend a second clicking on the hint button. But knowing that it's there is somewhat comforting.
This game appears to be a strategy in life, too. Well, I can equate it with most industrialized countries' goal of being efficient. Productivity equals growth, that's what business teaches us. Do one thing that will actually do two or three more other things so you can buy time to do another thing that can likely set off two or four or a thousand more things in motion. All this doing actually doesn't promote growth. It just is the nature of things. You do one thing and there's always an effect on another. The effect cannot be calculated because we assign our own calculations, our own measurements on the effect.
3.04.2012
Complementary
While waiting for my turn to be called into the safari-themed room where I was about to let some woman assault my body in the hopes of relieving the chronic back pain and the bummed right foot, I got to thinking. I don't usually think about things in the logic my family and close friends have, I don't even think the same way you do.
Here's what I thought about:
Where I am - whatever this plane I am on in - is great. I feel light or heavy, depending on how I react to what happens every minute. The good thing is I feel it and I have the capacity to process these feelings. I don't feel rushed, I can feel myself working with the time that I have. The timeshare I allot for the things that I need and want to do is enough. I have the time to learn, to take anything and everything in, the time to get to know old and new people, the time to get to know myself each day. I am grateful for the things that happen, I expect less or expect nothing at all. I fear still but try working through these fears. I remind myself all the time that any kind of hurt that I let carry on inside my head will only do damage to me if I let it.
After all these thoughts about myself, I went on thinking about the complement. And by complement I mean another person who will be of significance to me if I let her.
Being a feeler has it's ups but oftentimes in this world, feeling itself is not enough. Assessing my connections with the people I've been with, I have always been attracted to thinkers - people who think a great deal about things that even the little thoughts may become blown out of proportion. These thinkers afford me a view of the world that I usually can barely scratch the surface of. It's the view that I need to see and understand when I'm up to my eyes in emotions and feelings. It's these people who have a different-colored lens than the rosy ones that I wear that gets me to understanding and discovering the world. Thinkers follow a certain logic when they are presented with a circumstance, and their reactions stem from that logic.
The most likely value I can add to the complement is to let her know and understand that while thinking can solve problems, feeling can also allow her to process the her in all the thinking. When to know that she's become too absorbed in her quests for answers to a million thoughts, or when she has become far too removed from the things around her.
This post looks like a personal ad. Only it has gone on like a half-pager in your newspaper.
Here's what I thought about:
Where I am - whatever this plane I am on in - is great. I feel light or heavy, depending on how I react to what happens every minute. The good thing is I feel it and I have the capacity to process these feelings. I don't feel rushed, I can feel myself working with the time that I have. The timeshare I allot for the things that I need and want to do is enough. I have the time to learn, to take anything and everything in, the time to get to know old and new people, the time to get to know myself each day. I am grateful for the things that happen, I expect less or expect nothing at all. I fear still but try working through these fears. I remind myself all the time that any kind of hurt that I let carry on inside my head will only do damage to me if I let it.
After all these thoughts about myself, I went on thinking about the complement. And by complement I mean another person who will be of significance to me if I let her.
Being a feeler has it's ups but oftentimes in this world, feeling itself is not enough. Assessing my connections with the people I've been with, I have always been attracted to thinkers - people who think a great deal about things that even the little thoughts may become blown out of proportion. These thinkers afford me a view of the world that I usually can barely scratch the surface of. It's the view that I need to see and understand when I'm up to my eyes in emotions and feelings. It's these people who have a different-colored lens than the rosy ones that I wear that gets me to understanding and discovering the world. Thinkers follow a certain logic when they are presented with a circumstance, and their reactions stem from that logic.
The most likely value I can add to the complement is to let her know and understand that while thinking can solve problems, feeling can also allow her to process the her in all the thinking. When to know that she's become too absorbed in her quests for answers to a million thoughts, or when she has become far too removed from the things around her.
This post looks like a personal ad. Only it has gone on like a half-pager in your newspaper.
3.03.2012
Dangerously close
Have you ever had a day when you can't seem to shake off a feeling, whatever feeling that is?
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Music blaring loud, headphones/earphones on - this has always been my solution when I want to shut out the world. Nowadays, this particular drug is not working it's magic. I've been finding myself sitting or standing, thoughts on a million things, focus nowhere to be found. I keep zoning in and zoning out.
And to top it all off, I don't want anything. That's pretty dangerous.
A new vision board might do the trick.
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Music blaring loud, headphones/earphones on - this has always been my solution when I want to shut out the world. Nowadays, this particular drug is not working it's magic. I've been finding myself sitting or standing, thoughts on a million things, focus nowhere to be found. I keep zoning in and zoning out.
And to top it all off, I don't want anything. That's pretty dangerous.
A new vision board might do the trick.
3.01.2012
Closing and opening
February closed on a day when I barely had sleep and I had to get to the office at an ungodly hour to find my passports and pertinent documents. It closed when I didn't have breakfast but didn't feel like eating either. It closed when I was cold and nervous and running on nothing but endless questions in my head. It closed when I went in midday and worked like a mad dog (actually accomplishing a whole lot than the previous day and with only minimal hours). It ended where I was with friends obsessing over things like work and getting high scores in a game and attending a wake and getting lost and getting found and beating red lights and shouting for dear life and planning for getaways.
I barely had time to process what transpired in February and in comes March.
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